The following events, despite dramatization for the sake of realism, really happened.

This is not fiction.

This was not made up.

This is the story of Kevin’s experiences following the advice of rabid old school Computer RPG’ers and playing the timeless RPG classic, “Wasteland”.

He will never do so again.

Indeed, should anyone ever suggest to Kevin again that Wasteland is a great game, with a nonlinear story that dazzles and amazes, that has never been done justice by spirtual sequels like Fallout…should anyone suggest these things, I will punch them.

Right in the nose.

Then, I’ll let the possums have them.


Most people were pretty certain that the bomb would destroy everything when it dropped. That humanity would disappear in a blaze of thermonuclear glory. How I wish they were right.

Some survived that war, hiding like rats in bunkers and homemade bomb shelters.

Desert Ranger Squad 3806, my team, survived the blast.

We were lucky.

There were four of us. We were well equipped, well armed, and with plenty of ammo. We had rifles, over two hundred rounds of ammunition each. Knives. Crowbars. Rope. Uncontaminated food.

We decided to look for survivors in the wasteland, and we were elated to find them.

A small farming community had sprung up near our bunker, trying to grow food in the radioactive soil. They did there best, and were starting to make headway when rodents arrived.

Rats, rabbits, possums. You name it. The fields were invested.

They asked us to help.

We figured it would be easy.

Four highly trained commandos, armed to the teeth, against a few dozens rats and rabbits.

We went into the field.

The farmers closed the gate behind us, and we saw them:

Four, cute little rabbits.

They charged.

We opened fire, filling the air with lead and thinking about rabbit stew.

We all missed!

The rabbits leapt onto us, knawing at our legs.

I screamed, and dropped my rifle and its empty clip, pulling out my crowbar. First I pried, and then I just started whacking the rabbit with it. I always missed….

I saw Billy drop, a rabbit at his neck…

I was beginning to feel faint to…I was losing too much blood through my leg wound. I couldn’t manage to hit the damn rabbit though!

I was out like a light…

…I woke up…my comrades lying unconscious around me, and rabbits sitting nearby.

I tried to run, but couldn’t get away, so I turned to fight.

I swung as hard as I could, whacking the damn rabbit right between the beady red eyes.

It kept coming!!

Oh, god the horror!

That’s where we died.

Four elite commandos, survivors of a nuclear war, killed by four rabbits with a knack for dodging bullets and crowbars…

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16 December 2004