Ah, friday, my difficult day.

Well, no, not really.

Compared to other days, Friday is the “hard day” because I have three, two hour classes in one day. Compared to. say, an African slave working the cotton fields in the deep south, friday is a pretty easy day.

The way I manage to get through my hard day is pretty easy. On my way out to the classroom, I make a short detour to the snack shop and buy myself two bags of M&Ms…ussually a peanut M&Ms and a plain M&Ms, but occasionally I’ll substitute the plain for a crunchy M&Ms. That choclatey goodness that always melts in my mouth instead of my hands just really gets me through the day.

This Friday started much like all other Fridays. I woke up in the morning and lay in bed, mumbling to myself about how if the damn alarm goes off I’ll just have to kill somebody. And the alarm goes off, like it always does, calling my bluff. So, I get out of bed and get dressed, brush my teeth, realize how stupid it is to brush your teeth BEFORE you eat breakfast, so skip breakfast, and stand around waiting for the clock to inch it ways towards 7:45.

I could just sleep a little later, but that would be tempting fate.

I am not a man that tempts fate.

When I finally left, however, there was a makeshift wall made out of bricks stacked about 5 feet high blocking my normal route to class, and, more importantly, the M&M shop. Nearby was a construction worker, a chinese man wearing a hardhat and taking a short break from whatever he was doing, and I asked him, “Why is there a wall here?”

He looked at me kinda funny, and scratched his head, and, having lived in China for awhile, I understood that this was Chinese Sign Language. I’m not particularly proficient in Chinese sign language, but here’s the gist of it, “You no walkum here. You foreign man. I chinese man. I work, build high building. Build high building for his Majesty, Zordog.”

That’s when I noticed the giant spaceship, hovering over ShengDa College like a giant custard pie about to be dropped on all us little, useless, insignificant clowns.

At that moment, a chorus of voices started coming from the spaceship, and this is what they said:

“Clang, Clash, We will smash! While we sing our song, the tones really clash, and clang, and SMASH! Break Kevin Goblin Slayer HaHaHash! He is weak He is gone We’ve taken his M&M’s HaHa-HAUN!”

Terror stricken, I rushed to the campus superstore and demanded, in Chinese sign language, to buy some M&Ms.

The clerk, a bored looking young woman, said in the tones of a person who has been brainwashed by the foul goblin beasts of space, “Dim sum…” (We’re all out…)


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25 February 2005