I Always Wanted to be a Pirate
For some reason, I am now always sleepy. How much sleep I get or how little work I do on a given day seems irrelevant. This is frustrating me.
It doesn’t help my life for me to be both fuzzy-headed and want to do something, anything, productive. It always seems like I want to do something that requires thought and creativity MOST when I feel the least capable of the aforementioned.
Yesterday, I thought, “Hey, its the first of the week’s ‘easy days’*, I’ll work on Paladin Quest!”
And I designed the crappiest looking map ever to grace an RPG.
So, I thought, “Hey, I write a bot in RoboCom Workshop**!”
The annoying thing about programming games like RoboCom Workshop, Corewar, etc, is some jackass h@x0R has already designed some sort of optimized superbot that inevitably gets distributed with the game for you to try your creations against.
Anyways, its not fun to be fuzzy headed and try to write code.
So, I thought, “Hey, I’ll quit my job here and start my new life as a pirate on the high seas!”
So I called my boss on the phone, and he said, “Wei!?!?” (Hello? Who is this, and why are you calling here?)
And I said, “I QUIT THIS JOB!”, and he said, “Wei?!?!!” (What? No? We need you! Please don’t quit!)
And I said, “Too bad! I’m following my life dream, and becoming a pirate on the high seas!”, and he said “Wei?!?” (What? A pirate? Hmm…I’ve always wanted to be a pirate. To sail the high seas, feeling the cold wind in my hair, the smell of the salty sea filling my nostrils. To sail about the open seas, pillaging the fat merchant ships and defiling the daughters of fat merchants. Very well then! I want ten percent of the booty and first go at the merchant’s daughters, and I’ll join you as your first mate!)
So we went together to Hong Kong and bought a fine pirating vessel by the bone shaking name of “The Death Scourge”, which was formerly christianed Big Gay Al’s LoveBoat. We hired a crew of the scariest scallywags ye ever saw, and, as soon as we had torn out the velvet and lace, set sail!
However, it wasn’t long into our pirating voyage that we faced mutiny from our crew. You see, they wanted two fifteen minute breaks a day and an hour lunch with overtime pay and medical insurance, and we wanted a three five minute breaks a day with a fourty five minute lunch, overtime pay, and medical coverage from her onboard physiacian, Dr. Steve “Kill em All” Black.
So we made an example of their leader, and chopped of his foot and made him hop around the deck to the tune of “Blow the man down”.
The crew didn’t like that, and tried to kill us.
We barely escaped with our lives, and decided that the life of an English teacher and Dean’s Secretary were much better for us.
Doesn’t explain why I’m feeling so FUCKING TIRED AND FUZZY HEADED THOUGH!!!!!
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