Orëveriel has stopped visiting. Is she off on some mission for Isil? I don’t know.
I’m watching out my window as the followers of Isil make war on the followers of Yelloturë. The ranks of both sides have formed and I’m a bit frightened by the way the sides are forming. Where are the followers of Ainofiriano? Where are the Calloléra? I once assumed I was surrounded by those who follow Ainofiriano and by the ranks of the Calloléra. They are gone now. Everyone is either with Isil or Yelloturë, and they both demand that I take my side, and neither are happy with taking Ainofiriano or Calloléra for an answer.
You ask about Lumna? Lumna is vanquished and Isil fills her void. Maybe she served Isil all along. Who serves Ainofiriano? Where are the Calloléra? I see only followers of Isil and Yelloturë. I see only followers of Esteluna.
Is that where it all ends? Orëveriel, were you always an agent of Esteluna? Is that the game?
She won’t confront me, but I can hear her, whispering in my ear, “Weren’t you warned? Did not the Decalogue tell you, explicitly, in no uncertain terms? Your tragedy is not wisdowm, Vanyanan, it is amnesia. You are a fool. There is no Calloléra! There never was a Lumna. There’s no Yelloturë. There is Ainofiriano. And there is Esteluna.” I turn and she is already gone, just a shadow against the wall, fading.
I comfort myself by reading the prophets, and they foretold this. They warned us, but isn’t it always the way with prophets that you don’t understand their warnings until the calamity has arrived. We didn’t listen, so now I listen, and I withdraw. The Cyclops, the one-eyed god of the Beautiful Kingdom, is gone from my home. I finally convinced Calemorinna that he is a malevolent force in our home, that he is, jeering, smirking, laughing from the sidelines, and serving Esteluna no matter his lies.
Alassë is betrayed. Yarë has passed. Ture remains. Am I now a betrayer? I, who walked barefoot through ice rather than betray, did I, in a moment of weakness, betray Alassë?
There is Ainofiriano and Esteluna. Loyalty and betrayal. Good and evil.
“Find a fight to die in.”
Am I dead now? There was always that chance, that I would really find it. That was always the cold calculus: reject the middle as damning and accept only success or death. That leaves death open.
Will Alassë now be my accuser? Will Liswamere? Will Calemorinna? Will the Earth itself bear witness against me? Will Ainofiriano defend me?
Let’s inject sense into this. Ainofiriano will defend me, or he won’t. What will I do?
Try to serve Ainofiriano. There’s nothing else to do. I prefer Ainofiriano’s fury to Esteluna’s off-handed bribes.
Ainofiriano, will you let Liswamere’s tempest destroy the entire world before you push it back? Will you push it back, or was the prophet right? With so many of your great servants now gone, is it now, when the blood has gotten as thin as water, that you have chosen for apocalypse? Or is this just the sound of artillery in the distance reminding those of us far from the lines about the eternal war?